Thursday, July 31, 2014

#30 Unplanned Offseason

Where is PETA when you need them?

 

Hello, Digletts !


    I believe that I have some explaining to do for my whereabouts over the past two weeks. Two Tuesdays ago was my last workout and it was a pretty good one in my opinion. I figure the workout can only be done for so long because the wonderful city of Morgantown is slowly, but surely destroying the arboretum. My workout was a 5 mile fartlek through the arboretum, climbing the arb hill six times. I did it once over the winter and barely averaged sub 9 minute pace; granted I wasn't working out and the trail was covered with snow and ice. I averaged 7:20 for the workout. Considering I crawled up the huge hill, I really got going on the rest of the loop. Over 5 miles I climbed almost 1,000 ft so it was a solid climb. Here are the statistics for anyone into such a thing:


   If it weren't for my Rapa Nui's I doubt that I would have been able to go as quickly as I did. One of the two best traits to HOKA shoes are the fact that they allow me to fly down hills. I typically can't handle running down hills because it feels like my quads and knees are blowing out. If you have ever seen the episode of South Park where Kyle gets knee implants to play basketball, and they eventually blow out on him; that's what I feel like my knees are about to do. That's when I'm in non HOKAs. I don't feel a thing running down hills in my shoes and can get moving on any terrain in them. The best trait is the impact absorption. Which sort of goes in hand with the down hill running. I've run in HOKA for 21 miles and at no point felt the fatigue in my legs that I typically feel late into runs. For instance, usually after 20 miles my feet and knees typically begin to ache. At least with the HOKA that pain is minimizes and I only have to deal with the drained muscles. I picked an annoying time to get nicked because I just got my HOKAs. In due time, it'll be time to fly.

    Now I made several mistakes in my training. From irrationally spiking my mileage or not coming close to my planned mileage; to half assing literally every aspect of my training aside from running. I was not hydrating properly. I was not resting enough. I was not eating correctly. I was not watching my weight. I feel like all of these small things won't provide any speed bumps, but together they start the perfect storm. The perfect storm that hurt my shin. For the past four weeks of my training I have run through the nagging pain. Then one day, last week, the pain didn't go away after the run. Or when I woke up the next day. It still hasn't gone away. I guess it has been a good year since I have gotten sidelined. Out with a stress fracture, or something eerily similar. My favorite. At least I have a boot from when I broke my foot. Well the boots older than that- it was born in the tent at USAs when Josh walked out of the medical tent with it as it held in his exploded foot. Josh has an injured back and naturally I followed his lead. I'm not saying I'm a follower, but when I follow... Except my back is too strong to break because of my years of terrible posture. So I cracked my shin instead. Back, shin, same thing. Don't you worry about us, we do plenty of that. And one positive- Last time both of us were injured we returned to the scene with pretty cool workout videos... That's right all you handful of Duke & Dick fans out there. I am saying that you can expect a 2nd season of us. FOX cancelled us like Family Guy so we are sure to be 10x hotter the second time around. Hence, my beard it like... way bigger now. So much wisdom and junk.

    So, injured again I decided not to blog because I wasn't too happy about my situation. But my childish response to an injury ended sooner than it typically does. Usually I pretend like the entire sport no longer exists. The thing that bummed/bums me out the most is the fact that Run the Rut 50k is turning into a challenge just to finish. Seriously, I won't be running until the very end of August/ very beginning of September and the race is September 13th. This has happened before. My first trail marathon last August was also registered for well in advance. Then I got injured. Then I returned 3 weeks out from the race. Even though I was in nonexistent shape much like I will be this September, I still traveled out west to do the race. It was paid for so did it. Also, it is Montana! I would go out there just to camp. Which will be most of the trip. Last August I ran a 4:36 marathon, over an hour longer than any of my other trail marathons since. The sad part is I think my North Carolina was just as hard, maybe slightly easier than Wyoming. I went 3:34 I think. Virginia was a little quicker and only had one four mile climb. 3:12; next year I want to break 3 hours there. I am mad at myself for so many reasons, but the biggest is how I tiptoed through the running part of training in hopes of not getting hurt. Yet at the same time I got hurt because I failed to organize my training and do the little things. I was asking for this, but whatever. 

   Ready to turn those frowns upside down? Running was never the fun part of this blog anyways, or so I have heard from diglett echoes. This weekend I am going down to Canaan with the gang. There I will start daily entries toward another weekly blog and if you enjoyed everything aside from running, well you are in for a treat. I was talking to someone online and here is the exact dialogue that made me decide to hop back on here today:

Where's the latest blog!?
I hit a speedbump in my training. Out for awhile.
That sucks.
But the best part of your blogs is everything but the running.

So I guess I didn't hear that through echoes. It was pretty much in my grill. I think that's great. Running is boring to the majority of people. Granted the majority of people are boring to me. So strap on your Green Bay stupid helmet from Foreman's basement because here is everything that I have left out. (Zero Running below this point)

   First off, there is no way this is being recalled in chronological order because my memory comes to me in an ADD fashion. But everything I'm sharing has happened since issue #29. If you couldn't decode the reasoning behind numbering my entries, I've picked up a comic book or two in my lifetime and treat this as such. Let's get this started with Mountainfest. Typically everything the radio says is dumb, especially the music, but for some reason I had the local radio on and they said People either love or hate Mountainfest. I think that's true. I certainly hate it. I like sleeping with my window open and the sound of motorcycles going through the night was annoying. Here's a throwback story for you- back to the day when I decided that I hated bikers. Josh and I are driving up 68, I say up because to Cooper's Rock you drive straight up, and these three bikers are going noticeable slower than me ahead in the right lane. As I approach them the guy in the back swerved into my lane and put his hand up like it was a damn school crossing. Slowed my roll as him and his fellow douches went around a slow car slightly quicker than that car was going. And it may be a bad thing to say, but if I nailed that guy that day I would have lost no sleep. I don't understand why the most vulnerable people on the roads act the most invincible. That's why I shut my mouth on runs. As stupid as the drivers are in this town I know that a car is going to win a fight against me running. Unless it's a prius. Anyways, bikers are lame. Except a few. As a kid I used to do poker runs with my dad and they were pretty cool. My only bad memory from the back of a bike is getting rained on. I cried because I was 8-9 and felt like I was being stoned by the townspeople. Over a decade later, I'd still cry in that situation. 

Typical conversations at a bar with strangers.
The next time someone says that I'm to skinny I'm going to tell them the secret is crying. I cry eight pounds of tears a day, and eat the same in ice cream. Well the second half of that statement is close to true. I was sitting Blackbear with my friend and some lady started talking to us. She had take out already sitting in front of her, but had just ordered her second drink. If she wouldn't have thought that I was a biker here for Mountainfest I would have felt even more sorry for her. I think that's why she started talking to us, for sympathy. Marceline was convinced that she just wanted me. Could have been the case, but doubt it. She was picking up food for her 9 year old son because she's a single mom doing the best she can. He is in the stage where he just plays video games all the time, especially Minecraft. "That's a great stage" I told her because she said it like he was doing drugs. Video games trump real life 100% of the time except when something good happens in life. It's been my key to sanity since the beginning. There's no way a kid would be bored in my room for a weekend because I have too many awesome games lying around. I like it when Blackbear has live music, but don't like it when that live music plays. It looks cool, but is loud... I want to start a band that just stands around places like Blackbear and talks to people. I talk quietly as it is so I don't need loud noise forcing me to talk louder. I don't like using energy talking since I do it so often. If I talked as obnoxiously as a lot of ladies that I've encountered around here I'd honestly probably pass out. My mouth is running too often to turn the volume up. There are times to raise your voice.

I'd like to take this time to continue the Bert Tweet of the Week. Before I do that though, I found out a few days ago that ole bert may have been the first diglett ever. And yes, the grown man in that costume with the kid born in the same year as me is indeed... Me.



I could totally throw that club onto the highway.

Rewind a few days and change the scenery to Fairmont. I've taken this break to really crack down on the important things in life. Now I can not think of anything more important than one's ability on a miniature golf course. I have to take my practicing to Fairmont because Morgantown has 100+ scummy bars, 40 not free parking lots, a consist flow of broken PRTs (Hire more mechanics, like... Roller coaster tycoon 101, bro.), sixteen campuses evenly inconvenient and absolutely no mini golf courses. How this is rated highly as a 'party school' I'll never know. How can one party without missing putts and scaling the distance between Coal Country and i79 to decide whether or not to throw the club in that direction? Every campus I've been on says they're the top party school, except Princeton. They have other means of stroking their students egos to make their 1/4 million dollars feel better spent. This is the miniature golf anger talking. There are two parts to putt putt. Putting and Trash Talking. You can ask anyone that I've ever played against, oddly I've lost to the same cast of people. They will all tell you that I am second to none at the trash talk and second to most at the putting part. Yet I beg people to play with me. Win lose or lose I enjoy it. 

Dream- One day I would love to have my own miniature golf palace. There will be 50 different holes all themed after an American state. My goal is to make the holes so offensive that no one will want to play their home state hole. For example, New York's hole will be a simple shot at first glance. Maybe have a little ski lift showing off the beautiful upstate scenery. Then when you shoot toward the hole a shoulder will barge out of nowhere and knock your ball back to the start while a nice gentleman yells Aye watch where yo goin! And I already have the finale hole figured out. Everyone gets a hole in one and there is no prize for it. Hole 50- Ohio. You tap the ball in to a giant black funnel and watch it roll around as rain pours down from sprinklers above and the ball eventually disappears into a black hole. Game over. Hope you enjoyed your round at Digem's American Putt Putt. Patent not pending.

Even though days have been better than the recent ones, one of the greatest things to ever happen to me occurred at the soccer complex in Fairmont. Same day as the miniature golf game. Man, that was a productive day. I'm sure by now everyone has seen this 4 second video that warms my heart: 


While playing world cup with the cross guys this exact thing happened to my little sister. She was playing goalie and Jake blasted one off of the cross bar. The ball then smacked Kat in the face and went into the net. Now I was standing in just the perfect spot. I saw the ball hit post, hit her face, slight whiplash, and the delayed expression that comes when you get your bell rung. That along with the sound of the ball just clocking her was too much. It hurt so bad... for me. I crumbled to the ground in laughter and honestly thought I may die. If anything ever happens that is funny enough to make you fear for your life it's a great day. That's why there should be coed professional leagues in all contact sports. I would be a season football and basketball ticket holder if girls had to play too. Each seat would come with one of those teddy bears they give people to hold in the hospital for coughing after heart attacks. Except it'd be used to massage the stitches that come from laughter. Instead I will probably never attend a game of either sport. Unless Kevin Love goes to Cleveland. How can you not drive less than three hours to watch Uncle Drew and Wes play together? I'm not that mean though, if it weren't my sister I would have gotten up from the ground rather than roll a little. I mean, you have to show some respect. 
  

Fair warning: Next week's blog is going to be epic in both length and quality. You may want to try to avoid reading as much throughout the week. Here are just a few highlights to look forward to:
  • Canaan Explorations
  • Passenger Show in Obamington DC.
  • Washington Nats game. Baseball Stadium #5 for me.
  • Pittsburgh Pirates game.
  • Chapter One of the tale of Kings of Post.
  • Miley Cyrus Bangerz Tour comes through Pittsburgh and I miss it???? :/
  • I go to the movies for the first time since Anchorman 2! Before that the previous time was Anchorman 2!

Here is a taste of what beautiful artist I'll be seeing next week. Seriously check this guy-





Here is a look forward to what you can half expect way into the future, but will be here in no time.

  • Mario Lemieux 6.6k in October. I may do this race because it was easy money last year, but honestly I probably won't because it'll be the 2nd annual and I assume the money is going to be harder to come by now. Especially considering my fitness won't be there yet. 
  • Ohio Trail 20 miler in October. I'll do this regardless of my fitness because trail races are too fun to pass up whenever you can run. Road races suck though and I doubt I do another one in this lifetime if I'm not anticipating getting money. Well I do want to do road marathons, but that's different from road races in my opinion. 
  • Run the Rut 50k 9/13... Wouldn't miss this for the world, but damn is it going to suck from a competitive standpoint. The triumvirate that signed up for it only has Travis remaining healthy. Josh and I will be lucky to finish the race coming off of our injuries. I'm 35% percent sure that I will injure myself again there. Not my shin, I'm sure that will be fine. I just see myself running to the peak and running over the peak like wile e. coyote and then lift my crap sign up before freefalling to Earth. Which will be great gopro footage for you Digletts.
  • New Years Eve in Columbus? Last year I spent the last day of the year in Pittsburgh. Wouldn't mind watching the Wild smack the Jackets around and then discover the night life in Columbus. Hopefully be on the receiving end of a RomanAtwood prank. 
  • Minnesooota Vacation- This is way in the future, but I do have the last five home games for the Wild locked up and plan on spending twelve days in Minnesota watching those games. I have a few towns I want to visit on non game days. Tour de Minnesota likely solo, because that's the most effective way to travel. And I like doing my things. Maybe I'll go to Canada then, too. And by Maybe I mean there's a zero percent chance that will happen. I want my first non American trip to be somewhere cool. 
It's been a few issues since I have asked for feedback, but Sherlock only has so many more episodes left unseen and I am dangerously close to watching all of that 70s show through in order once again. I'd appreciate any netflix suggestions. If I've seen it I'll let you know my thoughts on it. If I deny your suggestion I'll provide good reasons. Regardless, gimme something!
Last thing, injured time is the ideal time to get more ink. I'm not saying that I'm getting a 5th tattoo, but if I do in 2014 it will be soon. If you had to get one tattoo right now what would it be and why? I will see you all again Sunday August 10th! With plenty of footage and news to knock your socks off. I'd recommend just taking them off before you read. That's what I do with my pants when I write.
Last last thing, What's the best music video out there? I have to give my top two to Stan- Eminem and oddly Demons by Imagine Dragons. The song is alright, but the video is just awesome.
ONE LOVE!!!

    6 comments:

    1. Duke and Dick are awesome!!!!

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    2. Check out Sleepy Hollow season one on Netflix.

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      1. I will do that! And get back to you when I build an opinion

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    3. Orange is the New Black is a pretty good show on Netflix.

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      Replies
      1. A bunch of imprisoned ladies? No thank you. Doesn't seem funny or thrilling. But I could be wrong.

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